Still Breathing....barely

So if you don't know me, you don't know that I am extremely fearful of speaking or reading in front of people.  But I'm having to get over the fear REAL fast here.  I don't know if Hondurans really relate to shyness.  

Last Friday night at Bible study I had to SING in front of the group...in Spanish...ALONE.  I am still figuring out the words to the song, but it's a lot like a song we used to sing in English at camp "Oh Boys do you love Jesus"and they answer  "Oh yes we love Jesus" (but asking who you want to see in heaven)....etc....and then you call on someone else you want to see in heaven.  So it was all of 5 seconds, but it felt like 5 hours.

Raul one of the teacher's at the school got the biggest most mischievous grin on his face when he got called on and was his turn to choose someone and I just knew what was coming...and sure enough when it was time for him to sing out who was next it was "Raquel"  PANIC ensued as the group sang the next part....but I had been listening and memorizing and waiting for that to happen.  So I only forgot the last 2 words...the simplest ones of all of course....oh did I mention I DON'T sing. My husband has a fabulous voice...me...I just "sing and make melody in my heart"....because to the ears, yeah, not so sweet.  Thankfully Hondurans don't always worry about Harmonies, melodies, etc!! 

Everyone was shocked & happy that I even 'knew' the words.  Granted I couldn't tell you 2 min later what I had sung. And when I told Thad about it later that night I couldn't remember a single word or the tune (he wasn't there as he got called away to help someone with something just after we arrived).  But I survived.   

And I'm still breathing!

Then last night at Bible study at a different congregation,  I figured out that Fernando, the minister, was counting how many people in the class had their Bibles to figure out how many verses each would read.  But, of course, he won't call on me right?  I don't speak Spanish for goodness sakes!  and FIVE verses was what was decided...I needed a verse like "Jesus wept"  I might could handle that....

WRONG!!!  He called on my FIRST for the 5 verses...why first, because we were all sitting in a circle for the discussion and I was the first one going clockwise from Fernando with my Bible (I won't do that again...ha ha!).  Of course I didn't have the words in Spanish to explain I'd make a mess of it in my native language let alone SPANISH!!  But everyone was looking at me....and actually encouraging me, thinking my fear came only from the lack of the language not realizing it was like doubled at that moment because of the fear of reading in front of people AND lack of language.  

But I'm still breathing....

I did it horribly, but I did it!  Yes really...you can try to tell me I'm being hard on myself and "You probably did just fine" but it in honesty it was bad, REALLY.  And I'm okay with that.  ha ha ha!!  My sweet Juanita was there.  If you've ever been to Trujillo Christian School Juanita is one of the teachers....and she never stops teaching.  She helped me with the words I couldn't pronounce correctly....she helped EVERYONE with the words they didn't pronounce correctly, even the adults...ha ha...truly always a teacher!  No one took offense she does it automatically and is so kind.  

Fernando was sure to go back and explain to the group what I had read....he had to, I'd really butchered the language between my nerves and the lack of the language in my brain.  But everyone was so kind and thrilled that I had made the effort. 

Me....I'm still breathing!  

(and realizing Honduras might be the perfect place for me to get past my lifetime fear of speaking in public.  Because here if I struggle or stumble over my words it's expected of me!)